Automotive Escapades

I didn’t get my driver’s license at 16. I didn’t think of it. I didn’t care about it. I walked. I rode my bike. There was the bus. And there was always someone about offering me a ride. Most of my friends had theirs, though. And that’s when the “fun” began. We were teen boys, and no one should have let us within 10 feet of a steering wheel, let along keys. The vehicles of choice were Mark Charette’s 330, replete with its ever so fashionable 8 Track player, Roger Rheault’s new Trans-Am, Chris Cooper’s 3-on-a-tree pick-up truck, John Lavric’s pick-up, or his parent’s Volvo, and Renato Romey’s Firebird. Neither Garry Martin nor I had cars; neither of us had our driver’s license at the time, either. In most cases, there was too much muscle under the hood. Youth and power can be a potentially disastrous combination.

To illustrate this, I present the following cases. Enter a boy, a red-blooded Canadian youth with delusions of immortality, and a thrill of speed….

We were over at John’s place, preparing to go…wherever. We were running a little late, in a bit of a hurry. We ran out the door, piling into John’s truck, among other vehicles when John’s father came round from the back of the house. “John,” he called, “you forgot to bring the car into the driveway, like I asked you.” John looked at the Volvo parked on the street, and said, “Oh, fuck…I forgot.” He rushed back into the house, collected the keys and got behind the wheel. He revved the engine, cranked the steering wheel, and backed into the drive. Quickly. We were running late, don’t forget. The car pulled off the road in a smooth arc. And didn’t appear to be losing much speed. My heart skipped as I watched the car close with the house. When the Volvo did stop, it did so in a screech of tires, a hair’s breadth beyond the bricks within the inset depth of the basement window sill. John hopped out of the Volvo, rounded the car, and bent down to look at the bumper. He looked up at my obviously still anxious features, and wearing a broad smile, said, “Holy crap, that was close.”

Winter time, Renato, Garry and I were in Renato’s car, racing up Ross Street. Why were we travelling so fast? Lord knows. All I can say is that Renato went everywhere fast, but Garry and I never once thought to tell Renato to slow down. We were high school students, reckless, risk takers. And one didn’t nag one’s friends. Or ever appeared afraid in front of them. As we were about to top the hill, we saw another car pull out of Toke Street with the intent to gain our opposing lane. The trouble was, we were travelling so fast Renato’s car was floating on a cushion of air. Renato inched the wheel to the right and the car settled, catching just enough road to find traction. I watched from the back seat as the car we were about to T-bone accelerated, and we raced past, barely avoiding its back bumper. Renato struggled to control the Firebird, fishtailing left and right for two blocks before he brought the beast under control again. A heartbeat later Renato said to a deathly quiet car, “Whoa…that was close.” Did I say that not one of us was wearing a seat-belt?

Chris and John were in Chris’s parent’s new car. Ozzy Osbourne was singing “Flying High Again.” The volume was deafening, likely trailing bass for blocks. Chris hit a pothole, the car skid to the ditch, and Chris and John felt the car begin to roll. And it did. Both were thankfully wearing their seatbelts this time because the car came to rest on its roof. John told me later that “the stereo stopped playing while we rolled. At least I think it did, because I don’t remember hearing it. And when we stopped rolling, we were stuck there, hanging from our seats.” And then he chucked, his grin ear to ear. “Just then,” he said, “all was quiet. (Pause for effect) And then when the stereo began playing again we hear Ozzy sing, ‘Momma’s gonna worry, I’ve been a bad, bad boy.’”

I did not become wiser with age, or learn from our earlier recklessness, either, as evidence will show. I’ll skip ahead a couple years, I’m 19, out of high school, through my first year of college and working at my first real job as a student at Kidd Creek Mine. I’ve money in my pocket, money to burn on gas. And still oblivious to potential harm. I was cruising, driving my mother’s ‘79 Malibu. Man, what a car! V8, rear wheel drive, prone to fishtailing due to its oversize engine and weight distribution. Way too much power for my limited experience; I’d only passed my driver’s test and received my license the summer before. I made a pit stop, stopping to visit Dan Loreto and Anthony Lionello, up in Moneta. They were playing baseball, but took a break when they saw me pull up. We chatted for a while, but not for long; I had to get home. So, I jumped back behind the steering wheel, promptly forgetting my seatbelt. I peeled out, rounded the Flora MacDonald playground, and headed back north up Balsam and drove right through the stop sign at Kirby without seeing it or slowing down.

Halfway through Kirby, I saw a big black shape loom in my peripheral vision. I glanced left and saw the toothy maw of a grill bearing down on me. Time slowed to a crawl. I realized that the truck about to hit me was travelling at immense speed. I realized that there was no way I’d clear the intersection before I was hit, no matter what speed I was travelling at. I leaned to the right, I suppose in an attempt to retreat from the truck that’s about to hit me, and my left arm instinctively rose in the feeble hope of warding me from harm.

And then the car crumpled around me. Titillation sparkled as the glass flew. My arm caught most of it. The collapsing door thrust me further into the passenger seat. The Malibu was thrown from the grill of the pickup and I felt the tires scrape and skid on the asphalt. The car crashed into the black, wrought iron picket fence at the corner, scraping it hard. I heard metal tear.

I rose up from the passenger seat, sliding back into the now too tight driver’s seat. And tried to crank the steering wheel to correct the car’s travel, to hold it straight. The car responded, but it did so grudgingly. The wheel was stiff and tested my strength, but I did manage to set the car against the curb. It came to a stop. I put it in park. And reached to release my seatbelt. Oh, my numb mind said, when I couldn’t find it, it wasn’t on. I tried the driver’s side door. It wouldn’t budge. I reached over and tried the passenger’s. Neither did it.

I noticed than that there was broken glass around me, and saw that the driver’s window was broken, shards of glass jutting up from the door, so I tried to roll down the other. It wouldn’t roll down. I was determined to be free of the car, so I reached out, onto the roof, and pulled myself past through the driver’s side empty space. I almost blacked out, actually saw the edges of my vision narrow, but I didn’t. I pulled myself through the window space, and miraculously didn’t fall to the asphalt. I set one foot on the ground, and then I collapsed. I rose up, and made my way on weak, unsteady legs across the street, where I flopped down onto a stretch of grass there.

I looked back and saw a trail of blood leading back to the car, smears of blood on the roof, on the door. It dawned on me that, oh, that must be mine.

More details resolved to my sluggish mind. I’d parked in front of the Loreto’s house. I heard screen doors crash open.

Two thoughts crossed my mind. My old man’s gonna kill me, was the first. And, my insurance is gonna go sky high. I began to giggle. I couldn’t stop.

That’s when I heard Mrs. Loreto scream, and saw Mario Senior rushing across the street towards me.

Driving Lessons

Not mine, obviously. My grandmother’s. She learned to drive late in life, sometime in her 50s. Probably not the best time to learn, but her husband’s health had begun to fail, so she decided that she had best learn. She asked my mother to teach her.

She did. And Gramma became a driver. She was probably not a very good one. But she was good enough to negotiate the streets of Cochrane.

I remember Gramma driving Keith and me. I believe she was driving us to school. It was in the winter, anyway. Regardless where and why, she was driving us somewhere. Keith was in the front with her. I was in the back, hanging off the back of the front seat. None of us were wearing seatbelts. Car seats and rules about how tall you had to be to sit in the front weren’t a consideration then. Not really. Kids sat in people’s laps then. I don’t think seatbelts were installed in cars then.

If she was driving us to school, it would have been in the winter of 69-70. I’d have been about four years old then, and in kindergarten.

We were driving up 7th Ave hill, approaching Transfiguration Church, and halfway up when the tires began to spin.

Gramma stopped and backed down the hill. That must have been frightening for her. Terrifying, in fact. Had the car begun to slide, she probably wouldn’t have had the skill to correct. So, she must have had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel as we inched back down the hill. She tried again to the same affect. On her third attempt, as we were nearing the top, the tires burning on the ice, Keith and I began to yell, “Don’t stop, Gramma!” She persisted, she hammered the fuel pedal to the floor, tires spinning like mad the whole way. We made it that time. Much to Gramma’s relief.