My first year of college was a blur, an alcoholic
blur. I do remember it, though, somewhat, but I’ve blocked most of it out. Too
much emotional stimulus, too little emotional investment, too much unbroken
routine. In short, it all runs together, with precious little to set anything
apart from the drone that filled my head.
Was it all bad? Of course not. I remember hanging out in the cafeteria. I remember much laughter. I remember hanging out with the guys in the library. I recall one guy in particular, a few years older, every shirt he owned had a company logo on it (I vowed then that I’d never be a billboard for anyone after that). I remember a mature student, about mid-40s, that I was stuck with for survey; he was a walking wounded, bad back, suffering from even worse theodolite skills than most. I remember the school “committee” arriving, we students cornering those mining engineering professionals for details of what our prospects were and what our future careers might look like, testing the waters for future employment, so to speak. I remember them being rather vague, being especially non-committal. The markets were slumping, soon to tank, and they knew it. We saw it in their composure. It was worrisome. We all should have bailed, right then and pursued other careers. To paraphrase, the future’s so bleak, I gotta wear shades. And it was.
But until that bleak future rose up to envelope us, there were classes; there was surveying the back grounds, chem labs, mineralogy, basic geology and geo mapping, mining methods, milling, and of course, math classes to wade through.
School weeks were always full. There were no electives, each day jammed with courses. And on Mondays, right after school, beginning at 4 pm, there was happy hour at the Matabanick. If there was a band that week, Monday was when they began to play, so we had to check them out. We always got to know them. How could we not? We were there when they arrived, when they set up and began their sound checks. In between, they’d have a beer with us. If they were good, we’d be in all week; if not, we’d potentially only be in on Wednesday, or Thursday, sometimes Tuesday. On Friday, I’d hoist a few before climbing onto the bus to Timmins. The in-betweens were spent on homework and later studying for exams.
Throughout this, I was juggling home, new not-friends, my real friends, and Roxanne. Marc, my future ex-brother-in-law had quit and gone home, and I was stuck living with a bunch of guys who I barely tolerated, and they me. There were some “buddies” at school, but I’d never be able to remember their names or pick them out of a line-up, if my life depended on it. I was too transitory then, and when not inhaling beer at the Matabanick, I found myself hibernating in my room, paperbacks piling up, escapist stuff, lots of science fiction and fantasy then.
Exams were the worst, the winter exams the most torturous. They were four hours long. Four hours! I’d never written a four-hour exam in my life until then. Two of them per day for a week, none shorter. I had little time that week for anything else, even food. Wake to dry toast and study, climb the hill to the school, re-review notes for the upcoming exam, herd in with the rest of the sheep to write the damn thing, and then, once that was over, head home for lunch, usually a can of ready-made soup while reviewing my notes for the afternoon marathon. Cold soup, hot soup? Sure, I was all in for variety. I didn’t, couldn’t, stay at the school and eat at the cafeteria, way too noisy, too many distractions, too many guys wanting to know how I answered Question 4 of the last exam, as if I cared, or as if that mattered anymore. Fuck that, I’d tell them. Who cares? That’s last exam. Done is done, don’t mean a thing, not at all. Move on to the next. Thank you. So, there I was at 680 Lakeshore, in the kitchen, reviewing notes while ladling untasted soup into me, then climbing the hill again, re-reviewing notes outside the gym again while crashed out on the hallway floor, then transplanting what facts I’d crammed into my head onto the page, then get my ass home to review for the next couple exams the next day. Kraft dinner. KD, every day for a week. No booze. There were a few who took a pint during the marathon, but it was unlikely we’d see them the next semester, and we knew it. And we didn’t. Casualties were high that first year. I had a couple once I’d stumbled across the finish line, reveling in my sense of release.
Christmas. Roxanne. Dumped. Despair.
I returned from Christmas holiday in a funk. I lived for the weekends. At school I immersed myself in those subjects I had little to no interest in, and gained better knowledge of my chosen future profession. Not that my marks reflected it. Beer, bands, late nights, generally self-destructive behavior ruled my world. I neglected study often, opting for those escapist paperbacks instead. And I began my days backing up Georgina Street on my way up the hill to a school I loathed, each morning, waiting to catch a glimpse of the northbound Northlander. Wishing I was anywhere but there. Pathetic, really.
It wasn’t just the school. That semester I loathed everything. But I persisted. More classes, more labs, more surveying.
February came. Time to apply for summer employment. I applied to the mines at home, Kidd, the Dome, the Mac. I thought that might be enough. Ultimately, Kidd was the only one to respond, accepting my request for employment. So, I too accepted them.
More importantly, once a month, Keith was on the train, heading back to school in North Bay. He was taking Hotel Management, and was as uninspired by his choice of course and school as I was with mine. He’d only taken it because his dad had told him that he was going to college, no argument. So Keith took the course he thought was the easiest one that they offered. Keith and I spotted each other on the train one day, headed to the bar car, caught up, shared our disillusionment, and bitched a lot. Laughed a lot. Laughed at our lot. Repeat once a month. I’d spill out of the train, stumble down the hill, and then suffer through my physics lab the next morning, incapable of taking notes. Once, we met a couple of girls on the train. There were two of them, two of us, good math, all around, and before we knew it, they were in the same seats as us. They were going further than us, in more ways than one. I found one in my lap before too long, the curvaceous blonde, curly hair. Keith had the sprightly brunette. Necking, petting, more than a little groping. Did Keith do the same? I can’t say, I was too busy to notice. She wanted me to remain on the train and to go to Toronto with her, she wanted us to get a sleeper bunk (I don’t believe the Northlander actually had sleepers anymore, by then). The state I was in, I was sorely tempted. But in the end, I extracted myself from her, climbed down from the car to the Haileybury station, and regretfully prolonged my mining school obligations.
Think what you will of that curvaceous blonde, but I owe a debt of gratitude to her. She taught me that I was not unattractive, and helped drag me out of my funk. Roxanne did not fall out of my thoughts, but she did recede some. And in the end, she’d eventually become a ghost that haunted my past. That would take years, though.
Something else happened shortly after the curvaceous blonde. Our dean addressed the school body, informing us that Cambrian College was a horrible school, and that their curriculum was vastly inferior to the School of Mines. That perked my interest. Why, in God’s name, did he do that, I wondered? I looked into it, and ultimately decided that if the dean was so scared of Cambrian College’s mining program, that it must actually be good. And I thought, Cambrian College; there’d be girls there. That alone was reason enough for me to bail on Haileybury.
Final exams followed. One four-hour exam per day for two weeks. The entire years study was fair game. I passed, barely. It was shocking how poorly I’d done. Okay, maybe not all that shocking. It was certainly understandable. My major had not been mining engineering that year, after all; it had been depression and alcohol abuse. I aced those courses.
Was it all bad? Of course not. I remember hanging out in the cafeteria. I remember much laughter. I remember hanging out with the guys in the library. I recall one guy in particular, a few years older, every shirt he owned had a company logo on it (I vowed then that I’d never be a billboard for anyone after that). I remember a mature student, about mid-40s, that I was stuck with for survey; he was a walking wounded, bad back, suffering from even worse theodolite skills than most. I remember the school “committee” arriving, we students cornering those mining engineering professionals for details of what our prospects were and what our future careers might look like, testing the waters for future employment, so to speak. I remember them being rather vague, being especially non-committal. The markets were slumping, soon to tank, and they knew it. We saw it in their composure. It was worrisome. We all should have bailed, right then and pursued other careers. To paraphrase, the future’s so bleak, I gotta wear shades. And it was.
But until that bleak future rose up to envelope us, there were classes; there was surveying the back grounds, chem labs, mineralogy, basic geology and geo mapping, mining methods, milling, and of course, math classes to wade through.
School weeks were always full. There were no electives, each day jammed with courses. And on Mondays, right after school, beginning at 4 pm, there was happy hour at the Matabanick. If there was a band that week, Monday was when they began to play, so we had to check them out. We always got to know them. How could we not? We were there when they arrived, when they set up and began their sound checks. In between, they’d have a beer with us. If they were good, we’d be in all week; if not, we’d potentially only be in on Wednesday, or Thursday, sometimes Tuesday. On Friday, I’d hoist a few before climbing onto the bus to Timmins. The in-betweens were spent on homework and later studying for exams.
Throughout this, I was juggling home, new not-friends, my real friends, and Roxanne. Marc, my future ex-brother-in-law had quit and gone home, and I was stuck living with a bunch of guys who I barely tolerated, and they me. There were some “buddies” at school, but I’d never be able to remember their names or pick them out of a line-up, if my life depended on it. I was too transitory then, and when not inhaling beer at the Matabanick, I found myself hibernating in my room, paperbacks piling up, escapist stuff, lots of science fiction and fantasy then.
Exams were the worst, the winter exams the most torturous. They were four hours long. Four hours! I’d never written a four-hour exam in my life until then. Two of them per day for a week, none shorter. I had little time that week for anything else, even food. Wake to dry toast and study, climb the hill to the school, re-review notes for the upcoming exam, herd in with the rest of the sheep to write the damn thing, and then, once that was over, head home for lunch, usually a can of ready-made soup while reviewing my notes for the afternoon marathon. Cold soup, hot soup? Sure, I was all in for variety. I didn’t, couldn’t, stay at the school and eat at the cafeteria, way too noisy, too many distractions, too many guys wanting to know how I answered Question 4 of the last exam, as if I cared, or as if that mattered anymore. Fuck that, I’d tell them. Who cares? That’s last exam. Done is done, don’t mean a thing, not at all. Move on to the next. Thank you. So, there I was at 680 Lakeshore, in the kitchen, reviewing notes while ladling untasted soup into me, then climbing the hill again, re-reviewing notes outside the gym again while crashed out on the hallway floor, then transplanting what facts I’d crammed into my head onto the page, then get my ass home to review for the next couple exams the next day. Kraft dinner. KD, every day for a week. No booze. There were a few who took a pint during the marathon, but it was unlikely we’d see them the next semester, and we knew it. And we didn’t. Casualties were high that first year. I had a couple once I’d stumbled across the finish line, reveling in my sense of release.
Christmas. Roxanne. Dumped. Despair.
I returned from Christmas holiday in a funk. I lived for the weekends. At school I immersed myself in those subjects I had little to no interest in, and gained better knowledge of my chosen future profession. Not that my marks reflected it. Beer, bands, late nights, generally self-destructive behavior ruled my world. I neglected study often, opting for those escapist paperbacks instead. And I began my days backing up Georgina Street on my way up the hill to a school I loathed, each morning, waiting to catch a glimpse of the northbound Northlander. Wishing I was anywhere but there. Pathetic, really.
It wasn’t just the school. That semester I loathed everything. But I persisted. More classes, more labs, more surveying.
February came. Time to apply for summer employment. I applied to the mines at home, Kidd, the Dome, the Mac. I thought that might be enough. Ultimately, Kidd was the only one to respond, accepting my request for employment. So, I too accepted them.
More importantly, once a month, Keith was on the train, heading back to school in North Bay. He was taking Hotel Management, and was as uninspired by his choice of course and school as I was with mine. He’d only taken it because his dad had told him that he was going to college, no argument. So Keith took the course he thought was the easiest one that they offered. Keith and I spotted each other on the train one day, headed to the bar car, caught up, shared our disillusionment, and bitched a lot. Laughed a lot. Laughed at our lot. Repeat once a month. I’d spill out of the train, stumble down the hill, and then suffer through my physics lab the next morning, incapable of taking notes. Once, we met a couple of girls on the train. There were two of them, two of us, good math, all around, and before we knew it, they were in the same seats as us. They were going further than us, in more ways than one. I found one in my lap before too long, the curvaceous blonde, curly hair. Keith had the sprightly brunette. Necking, petting, more than a little groping. Did Keith do the same? I can’t say, I was too busy to notice. She wanted me to remain on the train and to go to Toronto with her, she wanted us to get a sleeper bunk (I don’t believe the Northlander actually had sleepers anymore, by then). The state I was in, I was sorely tempted. But in the end, I extracted myself from her, climbed down from the car to the Haileybury station, and regretfully prolonged my mining school obligations.
Think what you will of that curvaceous blonde, but I owe a debt of gratitude to her. She taught me that I was not unattractive, and helped drag me out of my funk. Roxanne did not fall out of my thoughts, but she did recede some. And in the end, she’d eventually become a ghost that haunted my past. That would take years, though.
Something else happened shortly after the curvaceous blonde. Our dean addressed the school body, informing us that Cambrian College was a horrible school, and that their curriculum was vastly inferior to the School of Mines. That perked my interest. Why, in God’s name, did he do that, I wondered? I looked into it, and ultimately decided that if the dean was so scared of Cambrian College’s mining program, that it must actually be good. And I thought, Cambrian College; there’d be girls there. That alone was reason enough for me to bail on Haileybury.
Final exams followed. One four-hour exam per day for two weeks. The entire years study was fair game. I passed, barely. It was shocking how poorly I’d done. Okay, maybe not all that shocking. It was certainly understandable. My major had not been mining engineering that year, after all; it had been depression and alcohol abuse. I aced those courses.
